The Physical Trials

One great thing about being consumed with this project right now is that I've been so focused on mothers.  ALL mothers. I don't think there was ever a time where I was discourteous to a mom who might have been struggling with their little ones in public. I do KNOW that before I had kids I wasn't nearly as patient or empathetic to the plight of temper tantrums, curious wanderings, and tired, fussy defiance.   My increased awareness to motherhood right now has led me to reflect about the general "ism" of motherhood. I was behind a mother of 3 in a store recently. I only had Abbi with my (she's 9) and all of her little ones were under 5 years old.  Two were in the bottom part of the cart and one was in the top.  I chuckled to myself as she was trying to get the littlest one to stay in the cart while the one in the top of the cart was talking non stop. I only have two but I definitely had days where I felt like two was more than I could handle in public, or at home for that matter. On the way out the door the little one escaped again and the mother stopped in front of the door trying to coax the little guy back into the cart. As Abbi and I breezed around her she said "I'm so sorry" to me, to which I responded "you're totally fine." I didn't notice if she made it out of the store, I simply went on with my task and put it out of my mind.
I've said many times that I am really enjoying motherhood more now than I did when my kids were younger. I'm not a particularly cuddly person and even though I like to feel needed, I don't like to be clung to for things. As a result of this my kids have learned to be independent. That's not to say I don't give my kids the hugs and kisses they need, and I don't help them when they need it, but I definitely appreciate that they can do things to take care of themselves without my help now. Washing hands, getting breakfast, those types of things. My daughter broke her wrist a couple weeks ago and her arm has a cast on it. It hasn't slowed her down much, but she isn't able to wash her own hair right now. So even though she has been bathing herself for 3 years I have been having to help her because she hasn't adapted to only having one arm on this particular task yet. I haven't really minded helping her in this task, and it's made me think about the WORK that goes into motherhood.
Each stage requires different levels of involvement, and physical exertion. I remember being pregnant and feeling tired all the time, and this was before the extra weight came on. Early in the pregnancy before the highly anticipated "baby bump" I felt exhausted all the time. With Abbi I wasn't working the first trimester, so I didn't really understand why I felt that way. My mother told me that my body was building a baby and that it was exerting tremendous amount of energy to do that without me consciously participating. I remember thinking very strange thoughts about my body exerting itself without my permission. Ha! If I had only known that the body starts to work hard to support and sustain the baby, sucking the energy right out of me, and it doesn't stop. When the door shuts on your body physically supporting and delivering your baby the window opens to the next stage of physical demands. Exhaustion was the next step for me. I love the line in the show that talks about sleep deprivation. "I LOVE 2 am, I can go an entire day on minimal sleep no problem" (that's not an exact quote). I never could have imagined the blinding, blurry, emotionally trying time after birth with a colicky non sleeper. I remember clearly one time getting to the store with my newborn and walking into the store and having utterly no idea what it was I needed. I was so tired, I couldn't keep track of one thought to the next. I've always written myself little notes to remember things, but after Abbi's arrival it has gone viral. I never fully recovered from the sleep deprivation. After we finally settled into a pattern of sleeping and waking then came the monumental task first of hauling Abbi everywhere (she was a really FAT baby) and then keeping up with her when she became mobile. One might say she hit the ground running and I've been running after her ever since.
Truthfully though, I'm now past the baby/toddler stages and I'm not spending much time running after my children. Which is probably a good thing because truth be told, my son can out run me. No Joke. And he's only 6. But we are spending our energy playing with them. We try to be as hands on as possible, playing softball, riding bikes, rowing canoes, and wii dancing just to name a few. And the physical demands on the body are very different.  And they are kind of fun. The work I'm doing now with my kids is much more emotional. I don't know what the future will bring for us in this area, so in the meantime I will continue to spend my physical energy in fun times with my kiddos. And I hope other moms take the time to do that too.